A Whole Lot Of Woo
by Risknight
Summary: Short stories set in alternate universes about how Sheldon and Penny come together.
1. Wooing Sheldon

**A series of short stories I wrote at the kitchen table while my husband was watching The Who on the computer. Oh the silliness I can imagine while trying to tune out something I don't like. I don't own the Big Bang Theory or it's characters. If I did, I'd hire Tribeca to write the show so it wouldn't suck so much any more. On a totally random change of topic, today is officially Opposite Day.  
**

* * *

His friends had decided to go out. Sheldon checked everything once more. Farscape on DVD, a 2 liter of Diet Coke, and two bags of Red Vines. He looked at the clock and walked out of the apartment. The pizza should be there in a few minutes. He was just reaching the second floor landing when he ran into someone.

"Oomph!"

"Ouch!"

Sheldon grabbed the pizza box with one hand and a flailing arm with the other.

"I'm so sorry!" a husky voice exclaimed.

A shiver went up Sheldon's spine. He looked down into soft hazel eyes. "Hello."

Soft pink lips curved up into a smile. "Hi."

He couldn't resist smiling back down at her. "Hi."

She laughed softly. "Um, hi."

Sheldon blushed at the teasing tone. "I believe this may be mine," he finally managed to say. "I'm 4A."

He nodded, her eyes sparkling with humor. "Yep. I was just bringing it up. Large pepperoni with extra cheese and light mushrooms."

Sheldon reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty. He handed it to her and watched her count out change. He took the money and handed her back the five. "Your tip," he mumbled.

She nodded and smiled up at him. She started to turn away but paused. She spun back toward him and quickly pressed her lips to his. Then she started down the stairs.

"Wait!" he called out. She paused and looked back at him. "What's your name?"

"Penny," she said with a wink.

Sheldon took a step toward her. "Why did you kiss me?"

"You stopped me from falling," she answered with a smile. "Besides, you're really cute."

His blush came back in full force. She was gone before he could think of an adequate reply.

* * *

Leonard, Howard and Raj were preparing for a night out. Over the last two weeks it had become routine to go out every Tuesday and Friday. Surprisingly, Sheldon had not complained about the change in his schedule. In fact he seemed surprisingly pleased with the new arrangement.

A knock on the door drew Leonard over. He opened the door and gulped. Howard and Raj moved closer to see what had him stunned.

"Hello," Penny said.

"Hello," Leonard said with awe.

Sheldon entered the room and walked over. He gently pushed Leonard out of the way. "Excuse me," he said to his friends. He took the pizza box and set it on the coffee table. Then he turned and held out a twenty to Penny. She gave him his change and he returned a bit for her tip which she put away.

The guys watched in shock as Sheldon then leaned down and Penny wrapped her arms around his neck for a deep kiss. Sheldon's hands gripped her waist tightly and she moaned low. After a minute, they broke apart.

"See ya Tuesday," Penny said softly.

Sheldon nodded and closed the door. He took his spot on the couch and reached for the remote. He looked at his friends innocently. "What?"

"What the frak was that?" Howard exclaimed.

"That was my pizza being delivered," Sheldon answered.

Leonard gaped at him. "And the sexy blonde?"

Sheldon smiled. "That was Penny. I do believe she is trying to seduce me."

Leonard felt faint. "You kissed her!"

Sheldon smiled smugly. "I did not say I objected."


	2. Wooing A Lord

**This has been bubbling around in my head for weeks. Probably shouldn't have watched Pride and Prejudice three times in a row...**

* * *

He frowned and looked up in irritation. "Leonard! Get the door!" A minute later he heard the knocking again. Really! Where on earth was that little homunculus? He had one job! One! Keep away visitors. He was probably down in the cellars again whining to Howard about how lonely he was. Sheldon threw down the pen and wiped his hands on a nearby towel. He stomped through the office and out to the vestibule. Again there was a knock, and his temper hit full boil. He threw it open and growled out a terse "WHAT?!"

"Don't you take that tone with me, young man!" Sheldon twitched and jumped back to let his mother in. Her driver followed with a body thrown over his shoulder. Long gold hair peeked out from beneath the hooded cloak.

Sheldon shut the doors and followed them into the drawing room. "Mother, what is this?"

Lady Cooper pointed to the chaise lounge and her driver set the body down on it before slipping from the room to drive the coach to the stables.

"Sheldon, come give your mother a kiss. I'm about to do you a huge favor." Sheldon dutifully kissed her rouged cheek and waited impatiently. He _did_ have work to do.

"I have found you a wife." Lady Cooper rolled her eyes. "Or rather, I ran over you a wife."

Sheldon's mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to think of something to say. "I don't want a wife!"

His mother was calm as she took off her cloak. "Sheldon, this is not open for discussion. It is not optional. You are marrying this woman."

Sheldon stomped a foot. "But why?" A door opened behind them and a turbaned man entered with a silver tray. He placed the tea service on the table and bowed his way from the room.

Lady Cooper watched him go with amusement. "Still terrified of me, aren't you Rajeesh?" The Indian man squeaked and rushed back to the kitchens. Lady Cooper smiled and poured two cups of tea. Sheldon accepted one and placed it on his knee. "Mother, why?"

Lady Cooper sighed. "Because you need a wife. She needs a husband. And I hit her with my curricle earlier today. Your sister is being courted by the Prince of Belgium. A scandal would destroy her chances. Now, call that little priest from the village and get this over with."

Sheldon crossed his hands over his chest. "No."

Lady Cooper narrowed her eyes. "Yes."

Sheldon put his hands on his hips. "No."

A sigh from the lounge drew their attention. A delicate pale hand pushed off the cloak and the young woman sat up. Sheldon took in her slim ankles, tiny waist, delicate features and startling green eyes. The tip of her pink tongue darted out to wet her lips. Sheldon felt his pulse leap.

Mary looked at him shrewdly. "Fine. If you don't want her, I'll marry her to George."

Sheldon tore his eyes from the woman and glared at his mother. He quickly rose and strode over to the door. It opened to reveal his doorman, Leonard, listening at the key hole. "Send for Father Stuart. I'm getting married."


	3. Wooing His Neighbor

He watched her move from one table to the other. She smiled and laughed and every flip of her hair made his body tighten. He sipped his beer and slid from the barstool. Soon.

* * *

She stepped into the stairwell and pulled off her jacket. She began climbing the stairs wearily. A double at the Cheesecake Factory on a Friday. What had she been thinking to agree to that? She turned the corner to the third floor and saw her neighbor leaning against the wall.

"Hello, Sheldon," she said as she walked by him. She didn't really know her neighbors very well. She had moved in a month ago, and they seemed nice enough, if a bit eccentric.

"Penny," he said with a nod. He fell into step beside her and walked up the remaining stairs with her.

"How was your day?" she asked.

His eyes stayed forward, but he smiled slightly. "Getting better by the minute."

Penny looked at him briefly. "That's nice." They reached the fourth floor and Penny turned to her door. She unlocked it and opened the door. Suddenly Sheldon was pressed against her back and moving her inside.

Penny squeaked in alarm and turned to yell at him. Before she could say a word, Sheldon's tongue was in her mouth, his hands pulling her body close. Penny slapped at his arms and he growled, spinning her around. He pressed her against the door and moved his mouth to her neck.

"She..Sheldon! What are you doing?!" Penny managed to gasp out as his teeth nipped at her pulse. Penny moaned and her hands clung to his shoulders.

He raised up and locked eyes with her. A seductive smirk spread across his face and he brushed the back of his knuckles across her lips. "I'm having my way with you," he whispered.

Penny's knees buckled and Sheldon grabbed her up against him. He kissed her hard and picked her up in his arms. He moved to the couch and sat down with her in his lap. Nimble fingers had her vest and blouse unbuttoned in seconds. Penny's mind was spinning as he pressed his erection against her bottom.

Penny slipped her hands under his shirts and pulled them over his head. She began nibbling on his earlobe as he pushed her shirt off her arms. Sheldon grabbed her hips and moved her until she was straddling him. He rocked his hips against her roughly.

"I have spent 10 years suppressing my hormones," he whispered in her ear. "One month of knowing you has destroyed all that. Your sweetness, your laugh, your scent, your soft skin. I can't stay away from you."

Penny raised up to look at him. "Should I be sorry?" she asked softly.

Sheldon pulled her down for a searing kiss. "I'm not."

* * *

Sheldon ran his fingers through her hair with a smile. Penny traced her name over his stomach. She placed a kiss above his navel and raised up.

"So, any chance we can do this again sometime?" she asked.

Sheldon pulled her up until their chests were pressed together. "Did you think this was a one time thing, Penny? It's not. I'm no one's one night stand. You are mine. I am yours. No one else matters. Call this whatever you want, but do not think for one minute I am letting you go."

Penny melted against him. She had never been one to like aggression. She was too independent. But the look in his eyes, it was as if he wasn't demanding her surrender, but begging her for it. Like he needed her absolutely. Penny kissed him softly.

"I like that," she said gently. "Yours. All yours, Sheldon."

He hugged her close and relaxed. Penny reached down and pulled the blanket up over them. They drifted off, wrapped tight around each other.

* * *

**I only have four words for explaining this chapter. I blame Darkly Dreaming.**


	4. Wooing A Dream

**This one is pure whimsy on my part. I wanted Leonard to meet Penny too late to call dibs.**

* * *

Sheldon Cooper was a genius. He knows it, and so does everyone who stops and spends 5 minutes with him. There isn't much Sheldon doesn't know, understand or quickly figure out. Except people. People confound and surprise him constantly. He has little experience or understanding of the emotional aspect of humanity.

But even he can see she is scared.

Penny Queen was not a genius. She barely finished high school, due to goofing of, and dropped out of college at his insistence. They were going to make it beg in Hollywood. They'd be huge stars and live life in the fast lane. Kurt put dreams in her head, stars in her eyes and, once he got her away from her friends and family, he put a bruise on her hip. And another on her back. And another and another.

She followed him around the store, never looking around, because it was what he taught her to do.

Sheldon knew a thing or two about being scared. He knew the signs of abuse. He knew everything about her. Her name, her age, her favorite flower, her dream of being a writer, her loneliness. He knew it all, because she told it to him. At night, in his dreams. He had always assumed she was a figment of his imagination. He never dared hope she was real.

But there she was, the woman who lived in his dreams.

Penny listened to Kurt tell his buddy he needed a new headboard because the hellcat he had picked up at the bar the night before had broken his. Penny flooded with shame as his buddy looked at her with pity. What was wrong with her? She should be stronger than this! But she wasn't. Not anymore. She had no one here. Only _him_. And he didn't really exist. Sheldon was a figment of her imagination. She created him in her dreams. Someone to pour her heart out to. To escape to when she was hurting.

Penny closed her eyes tight for a second and once again wished he was real.

He was only 3 feet away when her eyes flickered over to him casually. He heard the sharp intake of breath as she suddenly paused and looked at him again. Her eyes grew wide. He watched as hope blossomed in them. Her lips parted and he smiled encouragingly.

Suddenly there was a wall of flesh blocking his view. "You looking at my girl?!"

Penny pinched her thigh, and jumped. Yes, she was awake. He was here. How was that possible? She stared into his electric blue eyes and he smiled at her. She could barely breath. Her heart was thudding in her chest. Her friend, her confidant, her Sheldon!

"You looking at my girl?!" Kurt's voice was an angry snarl.

Sheldon ignored the growing fear in his chest. He eyed the behemoth before him. "No. I am looking at my girl."

Penny gasped, a combination of fear and hope at Sheldon's answer.

Kurt cracked his knuckles and stepped forward. 'I'm gonna pound you into hamburger."

Sheldon steeled himself for the first punch. It never came. Instead, the Neanderthal's eyes suddenly rolled up in his head and he went to his knees. Sheldon looked him over closely and saw a wiggling pink sneaker clad foot caught between Kurt's thighs. Sheldon watched Penny tug her foot free and land on her bottom. Sheldon hurried around to help her up.

Penny was shocked by her reaction to Kurt's threat. Anger had boiled up in her and exploded. She jerked her foot free and overbalanced. In a second Sheldon was looming over her. He reached down and gently pulled her to her feet. He slowly slid his hand from her elbow to her neck. Penny shivered at the light touch.

"I can't believe your real," she whispered.

Sheldon smiled softly. "I was just thinking the same thing."

"Um, you two might want to be gone before he gets up," a third voice said.

Penny looked at Kurt's buddy and nodded quickly.

* * *

Two hours later Sheldon found himself standing in the spare room of the apartment he had lived in for 6 months. Several large garbage bags sat on the floor. He set down the last one and turned to walk back into the living room. Penny was standing by the window, looking out.

She turned to him slowly. "How did we do it?" she asked softly. "How did you and I meet in our dreams?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I don't know. My Meemaw says that some people are just destined for each other."

Penny moved closer. "Do you think we are?"

Sheldon cupped her cheek in his palm. "I am a man of science. I've spent my life unraveling mysteries. For once, I don't care how. I'm just glad it happened."

Penny slipped her arms around his waist and raised up to kiss him shyly. "Me, too. By the way, we need a couch."

* * *

Leonard Hofstadter looked up from unpacking a box in his new apartment to see a gorgeous blonde coming up the stairs. He hurried to the door of 4B and watched her approach 4A. "Um, hi. I'm your new neighbor."

The woman turned and smiled faintly. "Oh, hello. I'm Penny. I live in 4A."

He stepped into the hall. "Leonard, Leonard Hofstadter. It nice to meet you."

"Welcome to the building, Leonard," she said.

Leonard felt his pulse speed up. She was beautiful! He was going to love living here! "Um, listen, I was thinking of getting some food. You know, for dinner. If you're not doi…"

The door behind Penny opened and a tall, thin guy looked out. "Penny? Doctor Who is about to start."

Penny smiled up at him warmly." I know, Sheldon. Our new neighbor was about to ask me out on a date."

Leonard smiled smugly until the tall guy in the laser gun shirt sighed heavily.

"Well hurry up and turn him down," Sheldon said. "You know I can't get comfortable on the couch if you aren't there too."

Penny leaned up and kissed his heatedly. "Yes, sweetie."

Leonard watched the exchange with a sinking heart. He turned and walked back into his apartment and closed the door. Great. He meets a goddess and she's involved with someone who looks even geekier than him. Life just wasn't fair.


	5. Wooing A Wrestler

**One of my most favorite things in the world is Impact Wrestling on Spike TV. It is on Thursdays at the same time as TBBT. Don't hate me, but I watch Impact, and THEN I go watch Sheldon. I would never forgive myself if I didn't place Shenny in the Impact world, at least a tiny bit.**

* * *

The moment he saw her it was as if a switch got flipped in his head. He had never needed or wanted anyone before. He had no interest in romance. His mind was too full of equations and theories to bother with the mundane. From what he had witnessed of his siblings endeavors and later, his coworkers attempts, relationships were nothing more that two people pretending to be someone they weren't in the hopes of getting the other person in bed.

Sheldon had no time for such folly. He was determined to do great things. He would rip away the veil from the universe and unravel every mystery there was. That's not to say he couldn't have fun. He enjoyed comic books, sci-fi, paintball and video games. He also had a secret love. One he had hidden from friend and family alike. Her.

* * *

She was unpacking boxes when they introduced themselves. Leonard thought he had seen her first. He childishly called dibs. Sheldon ignored him. It didn't matter what Leonard thought. Sheldon had seen her first. Had seen her before Leonard had even moved in.

He intended to wait. He wanted to find out what she was like before he decided anything. Then she called him a beautiful mind. He knew in that moment she was his. She would never be anyone else's.

She told them she was from Nebraska. He knew that already. She told them she was a flight attendant. He knew that, too. She told them she had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship. He hadn't known that, but he was glad to hear it. She was just asking them about their jobs when Howard and Raj showed up. He watched Howard ply her with pick up lines, and smirked to himself when she didn't flirt back. He happily watched her gently, but firmly try to dissuade Leonard. He wasn't too happy about how she tried to draw Raj out, but at least she only seemed friendly, not inviting.

He spent the next two months getting to know her. Subtle queries into her likes and dislikes. Gradually getting her used to his own quirks. She was surprisingly quick to adapt to him, and him to her. The only hurdle was Leonard. He tended to try to monopolize her time.

Then she got hurt. In her line of work, injuries were commonplace, he knew. That didn't stop his heart from dropping when he watched her opponent botch a moonsault and land on Penny wrong. Within the hour he was on a plane to Florida.

* * *

Penny was resting in her hospital room when the door opened up. Sheldon stepped inside and barely glanced at the three men and one woman sitting around. He walked over to the bed and took Penny's hand in his. Her friends watched him closely as he leaned down and lightly brushed her hair back from her face.

Penny stirred and opened her eyes. She blinked a few times. "Sheldon? How…What are you doing here?"

Sheldon sat down on the bed beside her. "You're hurt. I came to make sure you were getting proper care."

Penny looked at him strangely. "How did you know?"

Sheldon smirked. "I'm a physicist with an IQ of 187, Penny. There isn't much I don't know."

Penny narrowed her eyes. "How long have you known?"

Sheldon's smirk faded and he blushed slightly. "I'm loved wrestling since I was a child. I used to sneak and watch it. I've been a fan of yours ever since your debut 4 years ago."

Penny's jaw dropped. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Sheldon shrugged. "You didn't seem to want anyone to know."

Tara moved closer. "Our fans love us or hate us. Part of the job. But people who don't watch wrestling tend to treat us as glorified hookers or think they have to prove themselves tougher than us."

Penny nodded. "It's just easier to tell people about my other job. Not too many people outside of the wrestling world respect us."

Sheldon took a deep breath. He was tired of waiting. Watching her get hurt had made up his mind for him. He leaned in and kissed her softly. He felt Penny freeze up under him, and almost pulled away. Then her hand squeezed his and her lips parted so she could nibble his bottom lip. After a few moments he pulled back. He could see Tara, Ken, Daniel and James smiling in his peripheral vision.

"I have been trying to wait until we were closer. Until you knew me better. Seeing you get hurt, hurt me. I care for you a great deal, Penny," Sheldon said softly.

Penny smiled warmly. "About time. I was beginning to think I was going to have to start walking around naked to get you to notice me."

Sheldon turned bright red as images danced through his mind. He ignored the snickers around them, focusing on the devilish gleam in Penny's hazel eyes. "Once you're well, we may just revisit this conversation."

Penny laughed loudly and pulled him down for another heart stopping kiss.


	6. Wooing At Comic-Con

**Penny as a hired cosplayer was too much fun to resist writing. I let a few male friends decide who she would be. Ideas included Lara Croft, Jill Valentine, Seven of Nine, and Rikku from Final Fantasy X. However, the moment Jesse said Kos-Mos, there was a collective masculine groan and I knew we had a winner.**

* * *

She smiled and posed and tried not to think about all the grabby, pervy hands that kept finding their way to her butt. She fluffed her blue hair and turned to see who was next. Four guys stood near the platform. One was rubbing his hands together fervently. He quickly stepped up and slipped a hand down low on her back. She looked down at him imperiously.

"Aren't the Borg supposed to be emotionless cyborgs?" she asked tiredly.

He grinned wider. "You know the great thing about cyborgs? We never get tired." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down and scooted in closer. "Say, want to get a drink after this? I'm Howard, by the way."

Penny smiled for the photographer. Then she slapped his hand away and growled. "I'm not interested. Now, go away."

The creepy guy was replaced with a very intoxicated Klingon. "Hello. You are stunning!" His accent was thick, but she was able to make out the words.

"Thanks," she said as she smiled for the camera again.

He looked at her with a huge grin and waved his grasshopper a bit. "I'm from India. I'm rich. Do you like me?"

Penny suppressed a giggle. The drunk ones were usually harmless, and this one was like a little puppy trying to please. "You need some coffee, sweetie. Have fun."

Next came a be speckled Captain Kirk. Or was it the other one? The British guy. Either way this one was staring at her like he discovered a cure for cancer. "Hi."

She smiled slightly. "Hi."

His grin got wider. "Hi."

Penny sighed under her breath. "Yeah. Okay, smile for the camera."

Penny twitched as his hand grazed over her hip three times. Finally she gave him a tiny push off the platform and turned to the last guy in the group. He was tall and had piercing blue eyes. He held himself stiffly. Penny sighed and moved closer. This type needed to be coaxed into loosening up for a good pic. She grabbed his arm and slipped it around her waist. Then she smiled up at his surprised eyes and winked.

"Smile, sweetie. It'll make a better picture."

He looked down at her strangely. "You're eyes are green. KOS-MOS has red eyes."

Penny shrugged. "The contacts stung. I had to take them out. Are you complaining?" She really hoped not. She'd have to put them back in then and she didn't want to wear them anymore.

Slowly he shook his head. "Your eyes are fine." He suddenly blushed and Penny smiled. She heard the click of the camera and slowly pulled away from him.

"Thanks," she said a bit breathlessly. She was finding it hard to look away from his eyes. They were intense. He nodded shyly and walked away. A couple of little kids hopped up and after a second she shook herself out of her musings and continued the job she was being paid for.

* * *

She opened a bottle of water and slipped into the shadows of the bar. She was determined to spend her lunch hour alone, without fan boys drooling all over her. She saw three of the group of four from earlier walking by, so she stepped back further and bumped into someone. She turned quickly and saw the tall guy from earlier. His Data costume blended into the curtains and she hadn't noticed him earlier.

"Sorry," Penny murmured. "I didn't mean to bump you."

"I apologize," he said softly. "I should have alerted you to my presence."

Penny had been about to move away, but she paused. "Why didn't you?"

She watched with fascination as a blush rode up his cheeks. He opened his mouth a couple of times but no words came out. Penny's skin heated up and she licked her lips. She moved a step closer, leaving only an inch of space between them.

"You are very cute," she smiled. "I'm Penny."

He swallowed hard and fidgeted. "I'm Sheldon." His voice was soft, unsure. "You are very cute, too."

Penny took a chance and pressed her lips to his gently. He moaned softly and tentatively kissed her back. Penny grinned against his mouth and closed the space between them. Her hands slipped around his back and clutched at his shoulders. His gripped her hips tightly.

They kissed for several minutes before he pulled away. "Wait. I …I can't do this. Not like this. I don't know you."

Penny was touched by his innocent expression. Penny looked around and snagged a napkin. She grabbed a pen and scribbled her name and number on it. "Sheldon, I don't usually do this. In fact, I never do this. But this is my number. Call me. Maybe we could talk, get to know each other." She smiled softly. "I'd really like it if you did."

Sheldon stared at her wide eyed. "I ..I think I would like that, too."

She kissed him again, softly and walked away.

* * *

Penny was unpacking her boxes in her new apartment when her phone rang. "Hello?"

"Penny? It's Sheldon. From the convention in San Diego."

Penny smiled widely. "Hi! I was afraid you weren't going to call me after all."

He cleared his throat. "I am sorry it took me so long. I am not one to act on impulse. I spent the last two weeks debating on whether to call or not."

Penny smiled. "What made you decide to call?"

Sheldon sighed. "I liked that you understood my trepidation. And I liked your kiss." He cleared his throat. "I was hoping maybe we could chat online. It would be nice to actually see you as we spoke."

Penny grinned and did a little hopping jig. "I'd like that a lot." They exchanged information and agreed to speak that evening. Penny went back to unpacking with a wide smile.

A couple of hours later she was going through some old papers when she heard noises in the hall. She looked out her door and froze. Four guys were standing there, looking at her with surprise.

One, creepy guy with a Beatles haircut stepped closer. "You're the girl from Comic-Con! KOS-MOS!"

She nodded vaguely, her eyes on the tall man standing in the back. He looked as stunned as she did.

"Hi," said the guy with glasses.

Penny shyly smiled at Sheldon. Slowly he pushed his way to the front of the group. "Hello, Sheldon. Small world."

Sheldon paused a moment and then smiled. He stepped right up to her and buried his hands in her hair and kissed her. She heard three shocked gasps behind him, but ignored them. She was too busy wrapping her arms around his waist. When they finally broke apart, his friends were gone from the hallway, and the door across the hall was open.

Sheldon reached back and shut her door. "Welcome to the building," he said before pulling her close again.


	7. Wooing The Physicist

**Some things are more important than REM sleep.**

* * *

It was almost midnight. Sheldon set his marker down and sighed. His latest theory was running him in circles. He was hungry and thirsty so he decided to make a trip to the vending machines. He was digging change out of his pocket and he swiftly turned the corner in the hallway and collided hard with someone. They fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs. One grunted and one shrieked.

"Would you please stop that caterwauling?!" a feminine voice said sternly.

Sheldon clamped his mouth shut and opened his eyes. A jean covered hip was centimeters from his nose. He gulped and clenched his hands involuntarily. The person on top of him squeaked loudly.

"Whoa, there buster! Bad touch!"

Sheldon looked down and saw his right hand squeezing a pert breast. He blushed and jerked his hand away. He tried to scramble backwards but this time the person yelped in pain.

"Holy crap on a cracker! Are you trying to kill me?!" Two green eyes glared up at him from his lap. "My hair is caught in your belt buckle. Can you untangle it?"

Sheldon looked a couple of inches to the side and saw a knot of hair caught in the belt buckle and the button of his chinos. He tentatively began working the knot free. A hand brushed his thigh as she tried to maneuver off his lap.

Sheldon was shocked by his body's reaction. He was even more embarrassed when she noticed. Which wasn't hard to do since her head was in that area. He groaned and tried to scramble away, once again pulling her hair. She gripped his hips tightly.

"Wait!" She sighed softly. "Okay. We're both embarrassed, right?" Sheldon nodded. "So, we're on equal footing. Let's just ignore the way our bodies are reacting to each other and try to get untangled. Before I end up bald."

Sheldon took a steady breath and set to work releasing her hair from his clothes. A couple of minutes later they were freed, and standing. Sheldon brushed off his pants while she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

She held out her hand. "I'm Penny."

He shook it shyly. "Dr. Sheldon Cooper."

"You're here kind of late," she remarked.

"I am working on a theory," he replied. "I was just taking a break to get a snack." Sheldon was finding it difficult to look away from her twinkling eyes.

"So you're one of those beautiful mind geniuses?" she asked.

Sheldon's heart thumped loudly and he blushed again. "Yeah," he murmured.

Sheldon noticed how her eyes seemed glued to his lips. The pulse at her neck was beating furiously. He wet his lips with his tongue and her pupils dilated further. With a fair amount of pride he realized she was aroused. By him!

"I was just about to take a break and have some lunch," she said. "Would you like to join me? It's a large sub."

Sheldon had never had any interest in romance. He had no time for emotions or relationships. He definitely had no desire for desire. "I'd like that," he said shyly.

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?" Howard asked quietly.

Leonard adjusted his glasses and sighed. "Sheldon is acting weird. He's up to something. Three times this week he has come home and taken a three hour nap. Then he gets up to eat or watch something. At 11:30 those nights I hear him sneak out. He doesn't return until after 2am. I want to know what he's doing."

Raj yawned widely. "He's coming here. To work. What could he be up to?"

Howard looked at them with wide eyes. "Building a death ray? Creating Skynet? Who knows. It's Sheldon!"

They watched him open the university door and step inside. They followed at a distance, careful of his Vulcan hearing. They peered around the corner as he paused outside his office door and smoothed down his shirts. Then he opened his door and stepped inside. They tiptoed down the hall and heard voices through his door.

"Is that a girl?" Raj whispered in shock.

Leonard looked at them with surprise. "A video on his laptop, maybe?"

Howard stood and hurried down the hall. They scrambled to follow. They exited the building and made their away around the side. They slipped through the hedge and snuck close to Sheldon's window.

Three sets of eyes grew wide at all the exposed flesh. Three jaws sagged as their friend bent the blonde over the desk. Three pairs of ears heard a soft giggle turn into a faint moan. Seconds later three men hurried to the car promising to never, ever spy on Sheldon again.


	8. Wooing Mr Clean

**I don't own the Big Bang Theory. But I do own a Bazinga shirt. Yeah, you read that right. I can feel your jealousy.**

* * *

In the four years they had lived across from each other, they had unconsciously made certain allowances for each other. He never tried to give her strikes for stealing their milk anymore. She never said no when he needed a ride unless she was working. He never knocked on her door before 11am. She took care of him when he was sick. Perhaps the most unusual compromise though, was her apartment. Penny hated to clean. Sheldon loved to clean. So, after an initial dust up the first time he snuck in while she was sleeping, she decided to ignore it. Besides it wasn't like it was an everyday thing. He only did it when he had a particularly bad day at work. Every few months, she would wake up to a clean kitchen and living room, and he would be more relaxed.

Until that night.

He was frustrated. No matter how long he stared at the equations, they did not work. He had spent days working on them, willing them with his mind to unravel. He threw down his Expo marker and stomped to his seat. A glance at his watch showed it was 2:18am. He briefly considered going to bed to try and get a few hours REM sleep, but knew it was improbable at this point. He raked a hand through his hair and sighed. What he needed was a distraction. He sat up straighter. Yes, a distraction. He stood and started gathering what he knew from experience he would need. Gloves, cleaner, rags, etc. Once collected, he slipped across the hall and used the spare key to let himself in. He made his way over to the kitchen and turned on the small light above the stove. It gave off just enough illumination for him to see, but would not disturb Penny. He shuddered at the thought. He did not have enough hands to cover all the vulnerable places she could target if woken up.

He shuffled through the living room picking up clothes and throwing them onto the sofa. Usually she kept a small basket under the window for laundry, but it wasn't there. He looked at her closed bedroom door and wondered if he dared look for it. He looked back at the sofa and twitched. He needed that basket. He took a deep breath and edged the door open slightly. After a moment, when he heard no scream or threat, he pushed it open enough for him to slip through. A quick glance around the room and he spotted it at the foot of her bed. Sheldon tip-toed over and bent to retrieve it. The squeaking of bed springs made him throw himself down on the floor. Silence. He eased up to look across the bed.

His jaw dropped and he felt himself blush. She was utterly and completely naked. Her lower legs were tangled in a blanket. One hand rested on her breast, the other arm thrown over her eyes. Sheldon quickly averted his eyes, and tried to scoot back toward the door. He was halfway there when he heard her moan. His eyes shot up to her. She was still asleep, but now her hand had left her breast and was sliding across her stomach. He tried. He really did. He tried to leave the room, but his body refused to obey.

Penny shifted in her sleep as her hand stilled over her thighs. A soft sigh escaped her lips. One leg eased to the side and her fingers disappeared. He craned his neck, but her knee blocked his view. He turned his gaze to her face. Her lips parted and her back arched slightly. Sheldon slowly stood. He didn't even notice when he moved closer. He watched her nipples harden. Her breathing was heavier. He dragged his eyes down her body. Her fingers teased at a neatly trimmed patch of hair. His blush deepened and he turned to leave.

"Whack-a-doodle."

Sheldon froze. Slowly he turned back, expecting to see her emerald eyes flash with accusation. She was still asleep. He frowned. But if she was not awake then why did she whisper that ridiculous nickname she had for him. Unless…..

Sheldon felt his cock jump. She was dreaming of him! It was him she dreamed of as she touched herself. Sheldon felt his pulse speed up. He had always found Penny to be aesthetically pleasing. And if he was honest, she had played a frequent role during his weekly masturbatory fantasies. He felt himself lengthen and harden with each moan. He watched her fingers slip further down between her labia. The light from her bathroom illuminated the wetness in her fingers. He wondered what she tasted like.

"Oh, yes," she whispered. She slid her legs further apart and pushed two fingers inside herself. He eased a hand into his waistband and stroked his cock. He matched her rhythm unconsciously. She was panting faintly and her hips gave a small thrust. He leaned one hand against the wall to steady himself as he palmed his erection. He could feel his orgasm building. He thought about walking over and replacing her fingers with his. He wanted to plunge them into her tight cavity and make her moan himself.

His testicles tightened. He heard a raspy mewling sound in her throat. So close, he thought. So very close. He squeezed the head as he stroked, increasing the sensations. Her fingers plunged inside her faster. Her thumb stroked her exposed clit. He felt his heart thump with each moan. His hand stroked his aching erection faster. He licked his dry lips and watched her other hand roam down to her breast. She kneaded it gently and arched her back. He leaned his back against the wall and used his now free hand to palm his testicles. He was fast approaching completion. Her fingers made two more quick plunges and she pressed down hard on her clit.

"Oh god, Sheldon," Penny cried out in her sleep. It sent him over the edge and he exploded into his hand. He leaned his head against the wall and struggled to catch his breath. Seconds passed and he heard her gently sigh one last time. Sheldon ran.

He slipped back into his own apartment and hurried to his room. Sheldon was appalled at what he had done. He had betrayed the trust Penny had in him. He had spied on her during an intimate moment. Not only had he watched her uninvited, but he had used her actions for his own pleasure. How could he ever face her again?

Hours passed before Sheldon finally came to a conclusion. He would never enter her apartment again while she was sleeping. He did not trust himself. He could never tell her what he had done. She would never forgive him. He cared for her too much to risk losing her. Leonard knocked on his door at 7 to see if he was ready for work. Sheldon asked him to tell Gabelhauser he was not feeling well and would be taking the day off. The threat of a sick Sheldon made Leonard scurry out of the apartment quickly. That suited Sheldon. He needed to spend the day getting a handle on his emotions.

At 8:30, he heard the front door open. A few minutes later he heard Penny humming as she opened the fridge. She must need milk for her coffee, he thought. He decided his best option was hiding in his room until she was gone. A gentle tap on his door startled him.

"Sweetie, are you alright?" She sounded concerned. "Leonard sent me a text that you weren't feeling good."

Sheldon took a deep breath, thankful he had locked the door. The last thing he needed was Penny to walk in and see the erection her voice had just given him.

"I am fine, Penny. Just tired. I intend to take a nap. Please leave."

She was quiet for a moment. He strained his vulcan ears to listen for her footsteps. He stood and walked closer to the door. Her soft giggle startled him.

"Okay, Sheldon. I'll let you get some sleep. I'm still a bit tired myself. I think I'll go back to bed, too."

He leaned his forehead against the wall and groaned. His eidetic memory pushed the images from last night back at him.

He almost jumped out of his skin when she spoke once more.

"If you have trouble getting to sleep, maybe you can come over again. Only this time, you should really do more than just watch."

His eyes widened at the implications in her words. The sound of the front door opening and closing made him scramble to unlock his. He rushed across the apartment and into the hall. Penny's door was standing open. He stepped inside and closed it. He fumbled with the lock in his nervousness. Slowly he stepped into her bedroom. Penny was seated on the edge of her bed. Her nude body gleamed in the sunlight. She smirked up at him as he drew closer. His eyes asked what his mouth could not. She reached out and snagged his waistband. She pulled him closer and slipped her hand inside. Her voice was husky when she laughed softly.

"This time, let's switch. You touch me, and I'll touch you." Sheldon grinned at her proposal and leaned down to press his lips to hers. It sounded like a fine compromise to him.


	9. Woing The Donor

**What if Sheldon, instead of Leonard, "took one for the team" with a donor?**

* * *

This was degrading. It was insulting. It was an abomination. Forcing a brilliant physicist to frolic with overly hormonal widows in an attempt to garner donations was ridiculous, crass and surely some form of prostitution. He looked at his friends and colleagues. Howard and Raj were talking with Leonard. All three looked cheerful. Barry was talking with Carl. They looked resigned. Everyone else looked bored.

"Hello, dumbass. Looking forward to getting a little wrinkled hand on the tush?"

Sheldon glared at Leslie Winkle and sighed. "This entire endeavor is ridiculous. My time could be better spent unraveling the universe."

She rolled her eyes at him and wandered off.

President Seibert stepped into the room and smiled at everyone. "Okay. Our donors have arrived and are checking in. I want one of you at each table." His voice held a core of steel. "You will make small talk. You will eat. You will be pleasant." He looked Sheldon in the eye. "You will NOT insult anyone. Now, go grab a chair so our guests can decide where they want to sit."

Sheldon slouched off to a small table for four in a corner. He glared around the room as others jockeyed for the best tables in the center of the room. After a few minutes the large doors opened up and elegantly dressed money bags walked in.

He noticed her the moment she walked in. She was beautiful. She stood out not just because she was half the age of everyone else, but because she was dressed in slacks instead of the usual evening gown. He saw Leonard hop up and hold out a chair for her. She sighed and stared to move to the chair, but stopped. Her eyes met his and she abruptly changed direction. Sheldon watched with surprise as she skirted around everyone else and walked to his table. She paused by the seat across from him.

"May I join you?" she asked softly. Sheldon nodded with astonishment. She sat down and reached for her water goblet. She took a sip and smiled. "Thank you."

Sheldon placed his hands in his lap so she wouldn't see the way his palms began to sweat. Good grief, what was happening to him?

"I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper," he said.

She smiled. "I know. I saw your presentation at the Reason Rally in L.A. I'm Penny Queen."

Sheldon blushed. "I know. I have the dvd for the Dark Knight Returns part one. I watched the behind the voices feature. You make an very good Robin."

Penny smiled at him. "Thank you. I love doing voice work. And Carrie is a great character to do."

A waiter came by to bring them drinks. Sheldon declined and was surprised when Penny did the same, asking for a ginger ale instead. She noticed his look and shrugged.

"I don't drink. Not any more. I was at a party, wandered off, got hit by a taxi when I stumbled into a road." Her voice was calm, unemotional as she said it. Sheldon could detect a hint of humor, though. Like she knew something no one else did. "Turned out to be a good thing. The scars on my legs and arms ended my aspirations of being a leading lady, and I stumbled into animation."

"My father was an alcoholic," he said.

Penny nodded understandingly. "So, I guess we're supposed to talk about your work," she said. "But I can see you aren't exactly comfortable." Penny leaned forward slightly. "Wanna ditch this place?"

Sheldon's eyes went wide. "You want to leave? With me? Are you expecting coitus for your donation?"

Penny laughed. He liked the sound. "Nothing like that, sweetie. Just go somewhere else, where we can relax. As for the donation, I had a check already made out before I ever got dressed."

Sheldon stared at her for a moment. "Do you play Halo?"

Seibert looked up from the older gentleman he was speaking with to find Cooper standing behind the gorgeous blonde. She was some sort of actress, he remembered. Good lord, what had Cooper done in so short a time?

Penny held out a check. Seibert looked at it for several seconds. He sputtered a grateful thank you and watched the two of them walk away. Seibert looked back at the check. $10,000. Cooper had raised $10,000 in just 20 minutes.

* * *

Leonard, Raj and Howard trudged up the stairs wearily. The night had been dull, boring and their bottoms hurt from all the pinching.

"I should have done what Sheldon did. Insult the donor immediately so she leaves and then I can leave myself," Howard said.

Raj frowned. "Is that what happened? I didn't see him leave."

Leonard rubbed his eyes and replaced his glasses. "Yeah, she disappeared quick. She was gorgeous, too. I know I've seen her somewhere before."

Leonard unlocked the door and they walked into 4A. Then they walked back out and looked at the apartment number before slowly walking back in. Yep, right apartment. Wrong reality, though.

Sheldon was sitting in his spot. So was the blonde from the party. Her head was laying on his chest, his arms were around her body. An afghan was thrown over their laps. They were both sound asleep. The tv was on, the credits for The Lord of the Rings was rolling.

Howard looked at Leonard and Raj. "What the frak?"

Sheldon's eyes opened and he blinked at them several times. He reached over and shook Penny's shoulder.

She yawned and stretched her arms over her head. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked sleepily.

"My roommate and friends have returned. It is past my bedtime. I need to go to bed," Sheldon replied calmly. Penny nodded and stood up. Sheldon rose, nodded to his friends and took Penny's hand. He lead the way toward the bedrooms.

Penny waved and followed him. "Goodnight," she said over her shoulder. "See you in the morning."

And she did. She saw them the next morning, and every morning after that. Except when Sheldon took her to Texas to meet his Meemaw that Christmas, and when they went to Germany for their honeymoon two years later.


	10. Wooing His Instructor

**A man too evolved to drive takes a feisty blond for a ride.**

* * *

Mr. Brady handed Penny her clipboard and her ID badge. "Ready for your first day on the job, Ms. Queen?"

Penny nodded and looked at the clipboard. "Yep. First up is a Sheldon Cooper. He has his permit, but now needs road experience."

Mr. Brady nodded. "Good. Well, let's get to it, then," he said before swatting her butt and walking away.

Penny sighed. "Day one and I already hate my job." She headed out to the parking lot and stood next to the student driver car. Soon a shadow fell over her. She looked up into cool blue eyes.

Penny smiled slightly and held out her hand. "Hello. I'm Penny. You must be Mr. Cooper. I'll be your instructor."

Sheldon shook her hand slowly. "It's Doctor Cooper and I see no reason to learn to drive."

She frowned up at him. "Then why are you here?"

He squirmed with agitation. "Leonard, my roommate, insists I learn."

Penny sighed. Great. Her first student was a whackjob. "Well, let's get started."

They both got into the vehicle and buckled up. Penny smiled faintly. "You can start the car anytime."

* * *

Sheldon looked down at Penny and opened his mouth. She grabbed the pillow behind her head and threw it at him.

"Shut up!" she growled.

Sheldon looked down at the floor and sighed. The door opened and the doctor walked in followed by the nurse.

"Well, Penny, it's official," the doctor said. "Your wrist is broken. We're going to put a cast on it and I have a prescription for some pain pills for you."

The nurse looked at Sheldon and smiled. "You're roommate is in the waiting area, Mr. Cooper. Other than a bruised shoulder you are fine. You can leave whenever you're ready." She turned to Penny. "Once your cast is set, I'll call you a cab."

The nurse took Sheldon's arm and led him from the hospital room.

Penny was tired and sore. She made her way down to the lobby where she would call a cab. She was halfway across the room when Sheldon suddenly appeared. Beside him were three men. One was foreign, one was short with glasses and one was short with a strange fashion sense.

"Penny?" Sheldon said softly. "Will you allow me to offer you a ride home? Leonard can drive us."

Penny narrowed her eyes and clenched her good hand into a fist. "I wouldn't get into another car with you if it cured cancer, ended poverty, and won you that Nobel you were going on about!" She went to move around him and he grabbed her good arm.

"Please!" he pleaded again. "I am so very sorry. I would give anything to have you forgive me."

She gasped at his audacity. "You hit a LIBRARY!"

"I was distracted," he mumbled.

She jerked her arm from his grip. "Distracted?! What was so distracting that you didn't notice a building?! Or me yelling?"

"Your eyes."

Penny froze. "What?"

Sheldon blushed a deep red and clenched his hands together behind his back. "Your eyes," he said a little louder. He looked down into her face tenderly. "You have the most entrancing eyes."

Penny looked up at him in shock. "You almost killed us because you like my eyes?"

Sheldon hung his head. "I am so sorry."

After a moment Penny placed her hand on his arm. Sheldon looked up and she searched his eye carefully. "That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

Sheldon smiled shyly. "Penny, are you hungry?" She bit her lower lip lightly and nodded. "Do you like Thai food?" She nodded again.

Sheldon took her good hand in his and they walked toward the entrance.

"Sheldon?" Penny smiled as they followed his bemused friends across the parking lot. "I like your eyes, too."


	11. Wooing Penny

**Last one, guys. Hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Knock, knock, knock. Penny?

Knock, knock, knock. Penny?

Knock, knock, knock. Penny?

Penny opened the door, a glare on her face, and a fist raised threateningly. "Sheldon it is 6:20 am. Someone better be dying."

Sheldon fidgeted a bit before thrusting a notebook into Penny's hands. He was twitching like mad, and even in her half-awake state, she could tell he wanted to reach out and snatch it back almost immediately. He spun and walked back to his apartment. Three steps, and then Sheldon spun and hurried back. Penny held out the notebook, but he ignored that. Instead he stooped, pressed a feather-light kiss to her lips and sprinted across the hall. He slammed the door, leaving a very shocked and confused Penny staring at the golden 4A on his door.

Slowly she eased back into her own apartment and walked to the kitchen. She put on a pot of coffee, glad for once she was out of milk. She suspected she was going to need it strong this morning. Penny sat at the counter and opened the notebook to the first page.

**The Dream Journal of**

**Sheldon Lee Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph. D., Sc. D.**

**Journal entry #1**

**I have decided to begin this journal in the hopes of understanding and eliminating a serious divergence in the acquisition of my REM sleep. For several months I have been disturbed by dreams of an highly erotic nature. This has never happened to me before. Usually, according to an extensive online search, these dreams occur when one is sexually attracted to someone. I, however, show no signs of sexual attraction while awake, to the subject of these dreams. No rapid pulse, shortness of breath, flushed or perspiring skin, or dilation of the pupils. In fact, the only emotions I have been able to catalog while in the presence of the focus of my dreams, aka Penny, is annoyance, irritation and bewilderment. I do not feel drawn to her in reality. Yet, at night, in the confines of my subconscious, I dream of sexual acts with her. When I awaken in the morning, it is often to find that I am aroused, or that I have ejaculated whilst asleep. I cannot stress enough how abhorrent the later is to me. To not only know, but to see the evidence of my complete loss of control is antithesis to my fastidiousness. I shall begin with last night's dream.**

**I found myself on a sandy beach, which would never happen in reality. Beaches are notorious for being bacterial hot spots. Also, the risk of melanoma increases exponentially because of the great amount of skin exposed to the harmful UV rays. I digress.**

**I am on the beach and have perched myself on a large rock outcropping. Waves are crashing upon it. I hear soft sobs and look around. I see a mermaid nearby and approach. She looks up at me and it is my neighbor Penny. This distresses me in the dream. I ask her why she is crying. Her tail is caught in some coral and she is in pain. I valiantly dive beneath the surface, (unmindful of the pollution apparently) and gently free her fins. When I resurface, she throws her arms around me and kisses me in gratitude. I am overcome by a wave of passion and carry her from the sea. Once out of the water, her tail morphs back into two golden skinned legs. I lay her on a towel and we kiss heavily for a very long time. Then I lay back and she moves over me. My clothes have disappeared at some point. As I enter her vagina, I suddenly awake with an erect penis.**

**This dream is, on the whole, ludicrous. There is no such thing as a mermaid. I would never be on a beach. I would never dive near coral for fear of injury. I do not have the adequate upper body strength to carry someone of even Penny's slight frame. Clothes do not just disappear. Penny would not kiss me. Nothing of this dream is likely to occur. So why would it plague me so?**

**End Journal Entry**

**Journal Entry #2**

**Like my dream of three days ago, last night's dream was also utterly unrealistic. I am on a space ship. I am walking through a corridor to the command center. When I enter, Penny is there, sitting in my spot. I approach and ask her to vacate my seat. She stands and smiles at me. She answers me in flawless Klingon, saying she will relinquish my seat on one condition. She wants a kiss. I smile and grab her arms. I pull her up against me and spin us around so that I may sit. Then I pull her into my lap. I remove her uniform, and my hands glide over her skin. All around us, various people are going on about they duties. None pay the slightest attention to our actions. We kiss, and I use my hands to caress and fondle her. I am able to bring her to orgasm, at which point she screams out my name and I awaken. For 3 seconds after waking up, I could still almost hear the echo of her crying out my name.**

**Once again, a completely unrealistic dream. Penny does not speak Klingon. She has never expressed even the slightest inclination to learn it, either. I cannot imagine that no one on the ship would not have, at the very least, requested we do not engage in amorous activities in the command center. Also, I do not touch people of my own free will.**

**End Journal Entry**

**Journal Entry #3**

**I went 8 days with a dream this time. However I have once again woken up to find myself erect. Penny and I were at Comic-Con. We were browsing vendors when I suddenly pulled her behind a booth. I pressed her against the wall and kis her hard, bruising our lips. Nearby is a replica Tardis. I pick her up and carry her over to it. The inside contains a large bed. On the posts of the bed are silk scarves. I secure Penny's limbs and begin to kiss along her left arm. I continue across her clavicle and up her left arm. My hands are tracing equations along the skin of her abdomen and the numbers and letters glow faintly. I can hear Penny panting heavily so I turn to kiss her. Our tongues meet and seem to actually twist around each other like ribbons. When I pull away Penny smiles in a way I can only describe as a Mona Lisa smile and says "Sheldon, SLC plus PRQ, multiplied by TLC, then raised to the nth power will always result in L and M."**

**This makes absolutely no sense to me. I believe "SLC" means Sheldon Lee Cooper. If so, then PRQ means Penny Rene Queen. But, what are the other letters for? I can think of no mathematical formula that those letters can represent. Once again, my dream makes no sense and leaves me with an unexplainable conundrum.**

**Journal Entry #4**

**Last night's Comic-Con dream was nothing compared to tonight's. The dream started out with us already engaged in coitus. We appeared to be surrounded by planets and stars. I can only assume we were at some sort of planetarium. I was standing, Penny in my arms, her legs around my waist. She was cupping my cheeks in her hands as she rolled her hips. Despite my friend's assumptions, I am not a virgin. I have only engaged in coitus once, out of curiosity, and while the act itself was not unpleasant, the resulting fluid exchange was nerve-wracking. It was messy and unsanitary and therefore never repeated. However, this dream coitus was soothing. It was more than pleasant. It was warm, peaceful and made me smile. I felt connected to Penny in a way that went beyond the physical. I pressed my lips to hers and suddenly it was as if I could hear her thoughts.**

**She expressed her needs, and feelings to me through that kiss, and I did likewise. It was an exchange of emotions and thoughts through the epidermis of our lips. This is improbable, if not impossible (and I thoroughly dislike using absolutes). When we both reached orgasm, the planets and stars around us spun, a whirling dervish of lights. They rearranged themselves into a new and symmetrical universe. So far, this dream has been the most unlikely. It is also the most staggering.**

**Journal entry #5**

**It is 2:16 am. I must catalog my physical responses before recounting my dream. Shivers, rapid pulse, goose bumps, tightness in my chest, harsh respirations, dry mouth and an overall feeling of panic. My dream began with me on an escalator. I was descending to a lower floor. Penny was on the escalator beside me, ascending to an upper floor. I was walking backwards, trying to fight the direction I was taking. Penny was doing likewise, trying to maintain her position near me. Our hands are clasped over the railing separating us, but our momentum is making it harder by the moment to maintain that contact.**

**There was nothing sexual about tonight's dream. Neither of us spoke. Yet, this dream has so disturbed me, I find myself unable to return to sleep. I am also beginning to show signs while awake of attraction to my neighbor and friend.  
**

**Journal Entry #6**

**Once again I have woken up to soiled linens. I can only vaguely remember my dream. Heated skin, dancing tongues, grasping hands and clutching hands. The only clear memory of my dream was part of that infernal equation from before. SLC + PRQ.**

**As I write this I find I have one more clear image. I am standing behind Penny, we are both dressed. I am the Flash and she is Wonder Woman. She is not wearing the wig. Her head is tilted back, laying on my shoulder. My head is pressed against her neck. Our hands are clasped together at our sides. It is a surprisingly peaceful image.**

**Journal Entry #7**

**It has been 3 weeks since I wrote in this journal. I hd no new dreams, just repeated dreams. Most often I have the escalator dream, but occasionally it is the Comic-Con one. The dreams vary in slight degrees each time, but the premise is always the same.**

**(SLC+PRQ)x(TLC)ⁿ = L&M What does that mean?**

**Journal Entry #8**

**I think I have figured it out. I have been having these dreams for 6 months now. I have spent the last 2 months trying to determine what Dream Penny was trying to tell me. SLC is Sheldon Lee Cooper. PRQ is Penelope Rene Queen. TLC is tender loving care. L&M is love and marriage. Dream Penny is telling me that together, Penny and I could be happy.**

**I think she is right. I have always found Penny attractive. I also find her to be a pleasant and generous friend. I tolerate my friends for the most part, just as they do me. But Penny I enjoy being around. Because I know she truly cares. She takes care of me. She is concerned for me. And I worry about her. I do things for Penny, accept things about Penny, that I would not usually concern myself with. She is patient with me, and she always listens, even when she and I both know she doesn't understand. So, where does that leave me? What does it mean?**

**I think I love Penny.**

Penny closed the notebook slowly. He heart was thudding in her chest at an alarming rate. Sheldon loves her? Was he serious? Penny stood and picked up the notebook. She walked across the apartment to the door. She opened it and was startled to find a worried, blushing Sheldon standing there. He looked at her nervously, searching her eyes.

Penny looked into his baby blues and something clicked. She reached out and slid her hand to the back of his neck. Sheldon dipped his head at the slightest pressure and Penny gently kissed him. Sheldon immediately relaxed against her and wrapped his hands in her hair, pulling her closer.

Penny pulled back far enough to look into his eyes again. "I love you, too."

Sheldon's expression turned to amazement and joy. He grabbed her close and hugged her tight.

When the others got there a couple of hours later, Sheldon and Penny were cuddled up together on the couch, Sheldon running his fingers through her hair as she nuzzled his neck.


	12. A Woo-ful Trinity

**This one is a bit different from the other stories in this collection. It's a Sheldon/Penny/Bernadette story, so if you don't like OT3 stories, don't read on. **

**:A Woo-ful Trinity:**

When they came, they brought superior technology and weapons. But what the aliens hadn't counted on was the violent, indomitable spirit of the human race. Humans did what no other species on any other planet the aliens had conquered did. They fought back. And the prevailed. The cost was high. Over 3 billion dead, injured or missing. Whole cities leveled. Earth's most advanced species was decimated.

Sheldon limped along the cracked sidewalk toward home with anticipation. It was spaghetti night. He moved toward the weathered bench that marked the halfway point and sat down to massage his thigh. An explosion 4 months ago had wounded him badly. He was still getting mobility back in it, and he sometimes needed to rest. He watched a couple of deer munch on the overgrown grass of what was formerly a daycare playground for a couple of minutes. As soon as the muscles loosened up he stood and continued his journey. He dare not be too late, or his girls would worry.

His girls. He chuckled to himself as he imagined his old friend's reaction to that. He spared a thought to wonder if any of them were still alive. Leonard had fled California during the first assault, setting out for his mother's home in New Jersey. Raj's parents had whisked him back to India as soon as possible. Howard had taken his mother with him when NASA began gathering engineers in Cape Canaveral. Amy had rushed to Saudi Arabia where her fiancée's resources and influence promised safety.

He had a couple of options. Go home to Galveston, continue to work at Cal-tech, or return to Germany and help coordinate efforts overseas. With his mind, he was invaluable. When Bernadette and Penny had shown up at his door, his choice was easy.

They had "appropriated" a small ranch house 6 blocks from the army base. Sheldon worked with the military, coordinating scientists all over the world. Bernadette worked with the biochemical division, studying the aliens. Penny kept them fed, sane and together.

For almost 6 months they had shared the house, closer friends than ever before. Sheldon came to rely on both women, and they needed him as well. Then one night he had woken up to the sound of low moans. He had scrambled from bed, worried Penny had become ill. He hurried to her room and opened the door, only to stumble onto a scene he had never imagined.

To say he was embarrassed was an understatement. For the next week he had avoided them as much as possible until Penny finally confronted him. She accused him of being narrow-minded. She said he had no right to judge them. Bernadette had been softly crying on the couch. The pain in both women's eyes made him blurt out the truth. He wasn't disgusted. He was jealous.

He had been appalled and humiliated as Penny and Bernadette froze and stared at him in shock. He had rushed to his room, fearful they would laugh at him. Or even worse? Kick him out. But they hadn't. They had come to his room and slowly sat down on either side of him. Neither woman spoke, just waited for him to look up. Then Penny had leaned in and kissed him softly. When she moved away, Bernadette had done the same.

It was so much easier than any of them had ever imagined it could be. No amount of planning could have made that first time go smoother. Penny had taken the lead, directing them as if it was a dance. They had undressed each other slowly, taking care to put him at ease.

He was amazed and enthralled by the differences between the two women. Bernadette was fond of slow kisses and tender touches. Her neck was more sensitive, and her squeaky moans took on a musical quality. Penny was more apt to nibble or bite on his earlobes or neck and she was louder, more vocal about what she liked. Bernadette liked having her breasts played with, and Penny liked doing it. Bernadette was happiest on top, but Penny liked to be on the bottom.

And him? He had preferences for each. With Bernadette he liked to hold her close as she rode him, sharing sweet kisses and breathing in her strawberry scent. With Penny he could be rougher. He could unleash the more animalistic side of himself with sharp deep thrusts that made her scream his name.

He enjoyed watching them together, too. He had never realized how much of a voyeur he was until he sat on a chair, at Bernadette's request, and watched them love each other. He had never understood Leonard and Howard's obsession with porn until that night. Watching Penny drive Bernadette crazy with her mouth, and hearing the breathy gasps that only Bernadette's nimble fingers could draw from Penny had given him almost as much pleasure as it had them.

They all agreed, though, that their favorite times were when it was all three of them. Him, driving himself into Penny as she teased Bernadette with fingers and tongue, or Bernadette rising up over him and he lavished Penny's core with his own tongue.

And it wasn't just about the sexual congress. When he had been hurt, both of them had refused to leave his side for even the most urgent of reasons. When Bernadette was in quarantine over a spilled virus, he and Penny had sat up for two days, clinging to each other as they awaited word. They had been unable to imagine the future without Bernadette. The idea of one of them being gone was devastating to all three of them.

Maybe what they had was not "normal" but it was what made them happy. They loved each other. That's all there was to it.

Sheldon finally reached the back door to their home, looking forward to a good meal and some relaxing on the couch. He opened the door to see both of them standing by the kitchen island. Penny looked over at him, worry in her expression. Sheldon frowned to see the same look on Bernadette's face.

"Sheldon, look who came back," Penny said quietly. He closed the door, allowing him to see their guests for the first time.

"Sheldon!" Amy cried out as she rushed over and threw her arms around him tight. He cringed back, quickly disentangling himself from her arms. "Sorry," Amy said with disappointment. "I was just so glad to see you."

He looked over at Leonard, Leslie Winkle, Howard and Raj and felt anxiety settle in his chest. He looked back at the women and noticed they had joined hands. They were both watching him with resignation, and it suddenly hit him. They were afraid he was going to abandon them! The return of his friends afforded him the opportunity to return to his previous way of life. A return to his schedules, and structure. They thought he would choose the past over them!

Sheldon sat his messenger bag on the table and hung up his jacket. He walked over and pulled Penny into a tender embrace before kissing her deeply. Then he did the same to Bernadette. He settled an arm around each woman's shoulders and looked at his old friends. "Welcome to our home. It is good to know you are all alive."

Leonard turned red and Howard's jaw dropped. Amy gasped and shook her head in disbelief. Leslie looked dumbfounded. Raj just smiled. Leonard stepped forward aggressively. "Want to catch me up?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Sheldon shrugged. "We have three bedrooms, and a comfortable couch. You are welcome to stay with us until you find lodging elsewhere. You'll have to double up in the bedrooms, but I leave it to you to decide who sleeps where. The large bedroom at the end of the hallway is ours. Please do not enter it. No one is allowed in our room."

Penny smiled up at Sheldon with relief. "Supper is in an hour. I hope you all like spaghetti with little hot dogs slices."

"I don't understand," Amy said in a hurt voice. "What do you mean the large bedroom is yours? You have three beds in there?" she asked hopefully.

Bernadette shook her head. "No. He means it's our bedroom. We sleep together. Sheldon, Penny and I. We are in a relationship. Together."

Penny pointed to Howard. "Don't say it!" she warned firmly. "This is not up for discussion. We are glad to see you all. We are glad you cared enough to come back. But things are different now. WE are different now. We love each other, all three of us. If you want to be part of our lives, you will have to just accept it. Otherwise, go back to wherever you all abandoned us for."

Leonard looked wounded. "Penny I came back because I love you."

Amy moved closer. "What about us, Sheldon? You always said you were too evolved for this sort of thing. We had a connection beyond the physical."

Sheldon smiled down at Bernadette and she cuddled closer to him. "I was wrong, Amy. I love Penny and Bernadette, and they love me just as much as they love each other."

"You didn't love me enough to stay when the world fell apart," Penny said to Leonard softly. "I don't blame you for that. I didn't love you enough to chase after you. I love Bernadette and Sheldon enough to follow them anywhere."

Leonard and Amy left soon after. Howard and Leslie took one bedroom and Raj took the other. A week later Howard and Leslie returned to Florida. Raj stayed, but it took him a couple of months to adjust to the easy and open affection between his three friends. He worked on renewing his friendships with them and helping the country rebuild. The human race began restoring itself. Life carried on.


	13. Absent Wooing

**Absent Wooing  
**

Sheldon looked over his notes carefully. He had been cataloging a list of ailments and behaviors for thirteen months now. It had started slowly, but was quickly gaining speed. And every medical test he had undergone had turned up negative.

1. He was unable to maintain REM sleep. He went to bed at exactly the same time every night. But he was unable to remain asleep for more than a few hours at a time. Often he would wake up around 2 am, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to return to sleep.

2. Food was losing it's appeal. There was no medical reason for the lack of taste bud stimulation. Food was simply bland and tasteless to him. His friends had no such problems, and were sure he was just imagining it.

3. He still maintained his routines, but it was a struggle to do so. Only sheer will kept him adhering to his schedule. He was listless and all activities had lost their appeal. Even vintage video game night had become more of a chore than an entertainment.

4. Irritability. It seemed as if anything and everything was an annoyance now. For example, laundry night was a constant aggravation. The machines had gotten louder, the room was colder, and he was certain the bulbs in the room were dimmer. A few hours before laundry night, he could feel himself beginning to become irritated, and that feeling would last long after he had finished. He had even begun to do his laundry on Sunday mornings to keep from being in the room at night.

5. His mysophobia was getting out of control. He also feared he was becoming agoraphobic. He disliked leaving the apartment, and often had to talk himself into going out. He was constantly disinfecting everything. Even his markers. He would set one down, and before he could use it again, he had to wipe it clean. He had almost jumped over his DNA model when Raj had gestured toward something behind him, fearful Raj might touch him.

Sheldon sighed and closed his laptop, twitching like mad as he wiped it down. He was growing worried. He had always dismissed his critics contentions that he was mentally unstable. He was beginning to question whether they might be correct.

* * *

Sheldon looked around the living room with surprise as he walked in from doing his laundry. He was surprised to see Leonard, Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Amy all sitting there, apparently waiting on him. "Leonard, you are in my spot. Move immediately." Sheldon stopped and looked at the suitcase beside his desk with horror. "Who has been in my room?" he demanded loudly.

Bernadette held up her latex glove covered hands. "Sheldon, I packed you a week's worth of clothes."

Amy stood up from the armchair and held out a ticket. "We booked you a seat on a plane. Boarding begins in two hours. Leonard will drive you to the airport."

Howard pointed to himself and Raj. "We'll pick up your comics for you, and Raj will email you if anything important comes up at work."

He looked at them all as if they were speaking gibberish. "And where is it you are sending me?" he asked haughtily.

"To Penny," Leonard said gently. Sheldon's pulse stuttered and he looked away from them all.

"I have no intentions of going anywhere," he said brusquely.

Leonard stood and moved to stand before his friend. "Sheldon, ever since Penny moved to New York to join that theatre group, you've been getting more and more miserable. You're beginning to lose yourself in your neuroses."

"The one has nothing to do with the other," Sheldon growled.

"Oh," asked Amy. "So it wouldn't bother you to learn that Penny is engaged?"

Sheldon gasped and his knees buckled, making him slump back against the door. "What?!" he asked brokenly.

Amy smiled smugly. "I lied. I just wanted you to know how you really feel."

Sheldon felt as if he was on a cliff looking down at an abyss. Were they right? Was everything he was suffering because he missed Penny?

Leonard placed a hand on Sheldon's shoulder. "We think you love Penny. Are we right?"

Sheldon looked down at his longtime friend. "What if she doesn't love me," he asked fearfully.

Bernadette smiled. "Sheldon, we all get emails about once a month from Penny. You get one every week. It's the only times you're bearable. You are the only one Penny worries about. She asks about you constantly. You have to try."

Penny. Even thinking about her made the knot of tension inside him ease. He bent and picked up the suitcase. Leonard opened the door as Sheldon moved. He looked around the room and smiled slightly. "Thank you," he said before following Leonard out the door.

* * *

Penny smiled as she read the newest review for the play she was in. She was the straight man. A geeky, awkward woman who was friends with a popular, happy-go-lucky woman who finds love with a reformed bad boy. Clichéd? Maybe. But they were selling out nightly and the reviews were positive.

She reached for her purse and began searching for her keys. She missed the landing and stumbled over the last step. Strong arms caught and steadied her. A jolt went through her as she looked up gratefully. Intense blue eyes met her stunned hazel ones.

"Sheldon?" Her voice was soft and hopeful.

This was the first time he had been in Penny's presence in almost 14 months. The knot inside him unraveled and he felt as if he had broken out of a loop. He had a eureka moment. He didn't hesitate or twitch, or fidget. He simply pulled her into his arms.

He was jubilant when Penny wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. When they finally broke apart, she was grinning widely.

"I was beginning to think you would never come," she said softly.

He blinked in surprise. "You were expecting me?"

She shrugged. "I hoped. I dreamed. I even made a few wishes."

Sheldon smiled bashfully. "I am sorry for making you wait. I have been blind. It took our friends confronting me for me to see how I truly feel."

Penny pulled out of his embrace and unlocked her door. "Come on, Moon Pie. It's Anything Can Happen Thursday. How about I order us a pizza and we can watch some tv."

Sheldon followed her inside, and cleared his throat. "Penny, how many bedrooms do you have?"

She looked up at him with a carefully neutral expression. "One."

Sheldon smiled shyly and blushed. "Then I guess we will have to share."

Penny smiled widely with happiness and shut the door behind them. "I guess that would be acceptable," she teased.


	14. Wooing A Friend

**Wooing A Friend**

They were friends. They supported each other in their own way. They relied on one another more than on their other friends. When one was sick, injured or upset, the other would play nursemaid. Usually with tea, encouragement (of a sort) and comforting rounds of Soft Kitty. They fought with each other often. Usually it was because they were so uneven on the social and academic scales, that they rarely understood one another. But heaven help anyone who hurt one of them.

He carried the two tea cups over to the coffee table and silently handed her a fresh handful of tissues. He sat down beside her and got comfortable. He held out his right arm and she settled under it. Almost immediately her tears soaked through his two shirts. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his cheek on her head.

"There, there," he assured her softly. "Sheldon's here."

Penny hiccuped a couple of times and did her best to stem the flow of tears. "Why aren't you more upset?" she asked sorrowfully. "My boyfriend, your roommate, got drunk and slept with your equally drunk girlfriend, who happens to be my friend!"

Sheldon shrugged. "I am upset," he admitted to her. "Amy and I have been in a relationship for a very long time. I have devoted a great deal of time and effort to my relationship with her. But I would be lying if I said I loved her, Penny. I do care for her. But my emotions are not deeply involved. I am sorry you are so hurt, though. I know you love Leonard to some degree. Although I believe you will find it is more your pride than your heart that is hurt."

Penny reached over and threaded the fingers of her right hand into his left. "I love him, sweetie. Maybe not as much as he wanted me to, but I did love him. What is wrong with me?" she whispered. Sheldon felt his stomach twist at the pain in her voice. "Kurt, Mike, Leonard. Almost every guy I've ever let into my heart has cheated on me. Why? What am I doing wrong? Why is it so hard for me to have a good relationship?"

Sheldon shrugged slightly, not wanting to disrupt their position. "I am no expert in relationships, Penny. In all honesty, I cannot count Bernadette as more than a treasured acquaintance, so you and Amy are the only two women in my life. Apart from my family, of course."

They were both silent for a few minutes. Penny's tears dried up and she relaxed into Sheldon's chest. Penny nibbled on her bottom lip. An idea was forming in her mind, and she wasn't sure if she should rip it out before it grew or if she should tend it, and let it take root. Before she could think it through, Sheldon cleared his throat and gave her shoulder a gentle push to separate them.

Penny looked up at him. He had a strange look on his face, one she had never seen before. It was almost as if he was nervous. Penny could only think of two times Sheldon had been nervous. Meeting Stan Lee and meeting Stephen Hawking. Why would he look that way now?

Sheldon took a deep breath and turned to face Penny. "Penny, something has occurred to me that has the potential to be either very good or very bad. I am uncertain of your reaction though." He licked his lips nervously and suddenly she knew he was thinking the same thing she was. They had one of those moments when they were in perfect accord.

"Me and you," she said steadily. "The two of us as a couple."

Sheldon nodded slowly, studying her closely. "I find the idea of being alone again unsavory," he said. "But I also find the notion of dating any of the women I know uncomfortable. Except for you. You and I are friends. Possibly best friends. I know I can trust you, and you know you can trust me. Over the years, I have reached a level of comfort with you that I have never had with anyone else except my Meemaw. Most relationships start with much less in their favor."

Penny's mind spun for a moment before she thought of the one huge obstacle that would prevent them from ever being more than friends. Slowly she shook her head, cringing internally at the flash of hurt her movement placed in Sheldon's eyes. "Sheldon, I adore you. But I wouldn't be happy in a platonic relationship. I know you view sex as unnecessary and appallingly unhygienic, but I like it. I like kissing, and touching. I like the physicality."

Sheldon's brow furrowed as he thought about what she was saying. "Is that the only obstacle?" he asked. "Is my disinterest in sexual congress the only thing that prevents you from being in a relationship with me?"

She ran a hand through her hair and nodded slowly. "Well, I guess so. I mean, yeah, we're close already. We would never cheat on each other. We both know what each other…."

Penny's words were cut off by the sudden press of Sheldon's lips to her own. She squeaked against his lips, but Sheldon was undeterred. He shifted sideways and grabbed Penny's knees. He pulled her closer and laid her back on the small sofa, his mouth still on hers.

The moment she felt him cup her breast, all thoughts of concern or uncertainty fled. Her arms wrapped around his back, drawing him closer. Penny moaned softly as Sheldon's mouth slipped across her cheek and down to her collar.

Her eyes shot open as Sheldon's hand reached between them to cup her intimately. "Wai… wait! Sheldon!"

He rose up above her, his eyes like blue fire. Sheldon kept his eyes on hers as he tugged her little shorts down swiftly. Penny couldn't look away. Not when his dexterous fingers explored her folds. Not when two fingers slipped inside her. Not even when he flicked her sensitive nerve bundle lightly. It wasn't until her orgasm burst over her and she screamed out his name that she was able to close her eyes.

They snapped back open a moment later when she heard the sound of a zipper being lowered. Sheldon looked embarrassed.

"I am just relieving pressure," he said softly. Penny looked down his chest to the large bulge in his chinos. She grinned and licked her lips. Sheldon's eyes went wide. "Penny, I do not believe I am ready for coitus. I just wanted to reassure you that I was willing and capable of providing you with physicality."

Penny sat up, pushing Sheldon back against the arm of the sofa. She rose up onto her knees and kissed him softly. "I thought you were all about reciprocity," she murmured into his ear as she snaked her hand into his pants.

Sheldon tensed at her first touch, but his deep groan of pleasure encouraged her to continue. She pulled him free of the confines of his pants and began to stroke him firmly. Sheldon held perfectly still, and Penny was beginning to wonder if she had misinterpreted his groan when his hot breath washed over her ear.

"Faster," he begged. "So close!"

Penny grinned and grabbed a handful of tissues to hold over him. A couple more seconds and Sheldon captured her lips fiercely. He moaned her name into her mouth as he came.

For several heartbeats neither of them moved. Then they slowly parted and restored their clothes to order. Sheldon stood and carried their cold tea over to the sink. When he turned he found Penny watching him worriedly. He took a moment to compose himself and walked over to her.

"Penny, I am not quite ready to 'go all the way' as they say, but I am not opposed to moving in that direction with you. Will you consent to entering a relationship with me?"

Penny stood and walked over. "You know Leonard and Amy are going to be upset. They'll think we're doing this to get revenge. No one is going to be very understanding."

Sheldon nodded. " I know. But I would still like to date you."

Penny grinned and wrapped her arms around him in a loose hug. "Good. Because I want to date you, too."

They stood there for a long time, just holding each other. Finally Sheldon cleared his throat. "Penny, should we tell the others now, or wait a few days?"

Penny drew him over to the sofa and pulled him down beside her. She snuggled up close to him and turned on the DVD of Star Trek she had borrowed from Sheldon. "Later. For now, let's just cuddle."

Sheldon grinned shyly and pulled her flush against his side. "That would be acceptable," he murmured.


	15. Womanly Wooing

**:Womanly Wooing:**

How did he get here? Could he have avoided this outcome at any point? Sheldon reviewed the chain of events that had led him to this place.

1. He had called into question Penny's womanhood by once again pointing out that her large mannish hands made her an excellent paintball participant.

2. He had then reinforced that opinion by saying she lacked the womanly attributes of a demure and coy disposition.

3. He had then pointed out that her aggressive tendencies, such as being a big ol' 5, would have rendered her an undesirable mate in polite society if they lived in the Victorian era.

4. Penny had taken exception to his theory, and disputed his claims that she was not feminine enough.

5. With a great deal of confidence, he had suggested she try to prove him wrong.

Nope. Now that he thought about it carefully, there was no way he could have avoided this outcome.

He gasped suddenly as Penny clenched her inner muscles tightly. His hands squeezed her breasts tighter in response as his hips bucked upwards, pressing deeper into her body. Her breath was hot in his ear as she bent down.

"Well, Sheldon?" she purred softly as she undulated slowly above him. "Am I woman enough for you now? Or should I stop and concede you were right?"

Sheldon's eyes rolled back in his head as she licked the sensitive spot just below his ear. He moaned loudly. "Good lord, don't stop!"

Penny giggled softly and bit down on the frantic pulse at his neck. It was enough to send him careening over the edge. Seconds later Penny cried out as she reached her own orgasm. When Sheldon finally managed to catch his breath, he grinned. The sound of his name falling from her lips as she came was the most feminine sounding thing he ever heard.


End file.
